Winter Musings

This winter is the first winter in 12 years that a one thousand mile dog sled race hasn’t been my focus. I didn’t race in a one thousand mile race every one of those 12 years- a few of the years were spent qualifying and building Ryno Kennel- but for over 1/3 of my life (and the entirety of my adult life), one thousand mile dog sled races have been the driving factor for all my decisions. They’ve provided purpose and structure even at times when perhaps I wished I had more flexibility and downtime in my schedule. They’ve provided comfort in routine and a sense of identity. So this winter, without that overarching thousand mile goal, it feels…. well… weird. Not good. Not bad. Just different. A bit like a dandelion in the wind.

I’ve always been a person who loves a good quest. Whether it’s a fantasy novel or a long distance hike or a thousand-mile race, there’s something so vitalizing about traveling with a purpose and destination in mind. And I’m not trying to necessarily romanticize it. Ask Derek or my family or those around me- I can be a real piece of work sometimes during (or in the preparation stages) of these quests. But there’s something about them that also brings me such calmness and direction. This year, without the goal of a one thousand mile race, I’ve found my brain concocting other quests. Often quests that are completely outrageous and irrational, as if searching for that purpose. During a summer visit on the Mickey boat with Aliy and Allen in Prince William Sound, my brain thought- let’s sea kayak from Valdez to Whittier. Yes. That sounds like a great quest. Doesn’t matter that I’ve never sea kayaked, am a terrible swimmer, and don’t particularly like water unless it’s frozen. Come on brain. Let’s just enjoy relaxing on the boat and drinking cocktails each evening. Or my brain, on a one night camping trip with the reindeer- let’s hike the entirety of the Brooks Range one summer and bring the reindeer to pack our supplies. Jogging one evening on the river loop by the kennel- let’s run a marathon. Skijoring 15 miles- let’s skijor the Iditarod Trail. Better yet the Yukon Quest AND Iditarod trail. In one winter. Consecutively. It’s rather obnoxious really. My mind always trying to imagine farther and longer and not just enjoying the little moment. Especially since this winter has been great. The dogs are still being conditioned and miled up by Tucker and Sam. I’ve been able to actually make money instead of just spending it- what a strange phenomena. But there’s this uneasiness. Something is missing. I find myself sitting on the couch when the sun sets at 4:00 PM rather than running dogs or staying active. I always thought I’d have more discipline, but I think a long quest gives me that necessary motivation and structure. Yes we have fun goals and adventures planned- Copper Basin 300, Quest 550, week-long skijor trip. But that deeper, overarching goal is a bit hazy right now. And I’m not complaining. This winter has been wonderful. I guess what I’m saying, is that there will be another quest. I just haven’t figured out quite what that will be yet.

Endnote: I also must acknowledge that great quests (or at least mine since I’m not charged with saving Middle Earth) come from a place of great privilege. From the support of Derek. From the support of my family. From the hard work of handlers and generous sponsorships of friends. So a thank you to all of you, for giving me the privilege to daydream and scheme. To imagine what we can do next.